Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign- what you be after your eight

Bacteria- back door to cafeteria

Barium- what you do with dead folks

Cesarean section- a neighborhood in Rome

Catscan- searching for the cat

Cauterize- made eye contact with her

Colic- a sheep dog

Coma- a punctuation mark

D&C- where Washington is

Dilate- to live longer than your kids do

Enema- not a friend

Fester- quicker than someone else

Fibula- a small lie

G.I. series- world series of military baseball

Hangnail- what you hang your coat on

Hospital- the biggest building on town, other than Joe's feed warehouse or Franks lumber mill

Impotent- distinguished, well known

Labor pain- getting hurt at work

Medical Staff- a doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake

Morbid- a higher offer than I bid

Nitrates- cheaper than day rates

Node- I knew it

Outpatient- a person who has fainted

Pap smear- a fatherhood test

Pelvis- second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative- a letter carrier

Recovery Room- place to do upholstery

Secretion- hiding something

Seizure- Roman emperor who lived in the Cesarean Section

Tablet- a small table to change babies on

Terminal Illness- getting sick at the train

Tumor- More than one

Urine- Opposite of mine; also opposite of you're out.

Varicose- near by.